Tony's hidden secrets
by PoisonWolf
Summary: Tony has a few skeletons in the closet will Gibbs and the team be able to help him or will his secrets tear him apart. Warning Slash later on, If you don't approve don't read or leave any mean comments. Rated T for self harm and bad language.
1. Chapter 1

**PROLOGUE/CHAPTER 1  
**

I hate this day. Of course it comes around once every year. No-one understands why I'm always so quiet on this day or why I don't crack any jokes. I guess you don't either. Let me give you some background information so that you understand. My name is Tony Dinozzo and this day is the anniversary of my mothers death. I know shes been gone for so long but it still hurts. I can't let anyone know they would just tease me about it.

To be continued in chapter 1

I will upload chapter one soon so I hope you like my idea for the story and I welcome any comments or ideas you may have for this entry.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Tony's P.O.V.

*beep beep beep*

Agghh, I hate hearing that annoying beeping every morning. I guess I better get up, another smack to the alarm clock to shut up the relentless beeping, before I roll out of my comfy haven. 7:00 AM, why must work be so early in the morning I seriously need a day off, Gibbs has been working us to the bone I swear that man just does not have an off button. But that doesn't stop me from respecting and loving the ex-marine...wait did I just say love? God I'm so confused at the moment, it's probably just sleep deprivation. I mean that man has a body of steel but the most caring and loving heart that could possibly exist (well apart from Abby).

Wait whats the date...16th June. no..No..NO. That can't be right. My calender must be wrong. I know I'll check my phone. Nope that says the same thing. Ah ha, the newspaper. There it is stuffed into my letter box, I grab it and open it up to see the date...16TH JUNE. I spin around so that my back is against the door, I let out a scream as I fall to the ground with my head in my hands. I draw my knees to my chest as the tears start to sting my eyes, threatening to spill over any second. I look up trying to regain my composure. 'No you can't do this today Tony, you have to stay strong. Remember the face of a joker, they can't see you cry it's a sign of weakness remember?' I stop hyperventilating long enough to hear my cell ring.

"H-hello?"

"Dinozzo, where are you? Get to the office now! We got a dead naval officer, meet us at the office at 0745 or we will leave without you!"

"Yes boss, on my way."

Gibbs' P.O.V.

What's wrong with Dinozzo now? If he has a hangover I will make him regret the day he first picked up a beer. Maybe it's a bad break-up, no he would of told us about it if he had a girlfriend. Wait, what's the date. Oh. 16th June. He may hide behind the face of a clown but his eyes say it all, how much he's really hurting inside. He doesn't know that I know. But he is not as good at keeping secrets as he thinks. The others don't know about today. I'm gonna talk to him he needs to know it's OK. That's if he ever gets here.

Tony's P.O.V.

I close my eyes as Gibbs hangs up on the other end. Why does he always call at the worst times. I feel something cold on my chest, looking down I realize what it is. My mothers locket. You're probably wondering why this day has such an effect on me well let me summarize for you. Today is the anniversary of my mothers death. The day she left me. I know it wasn't her fault but I just break down every time this day comes round.

I can't hold it back anymore the tears just start to flow down my cheeks. I can feel my whole body shake as I push back against the door in a fetal position. My cell starts to buzz - it's McGee. Oh shit, I gotta get to work. I wipe away my tears standing at my mirror. My eyes are red and puffy, that should clear up by the time I get to work. I tuck my mothers locket behind my collar and straighten myself up before placing my hand on the door handle and reminding myself, to just keep smiling. Here I go.

_**Author note:**_

_**Sorry it is so short next one will be uploaded soon and will be twice as long. Tony will get quite depressed. There will be flashbacks which will include tony's other secret. But of course Gibbs will be there. Hope you guys can wait :D xxx  
**_


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Tony's P.O.V.

7:36AM. Oh God Gibbs is gonna kill me if I don't get there soon. Great another red light like this day could get any worse. My cell starts to ring (again). OK so I guess it could.

"Hi Boss, I'm on my way just a little stuck in traffic"

"Forget that meet us at the Naval Medical Clinic"

"Yes Boss"

He hangs up as an idiot shoots in front of me nearly making me crash.

"Bloody Moron!"

Slamming backwards into my seat I stop dead. I look down at my mother's locket that is now hanging over my collar. I run my fingers along the cold metal of the chain. I get the familiar feeling of tears stinging the back of my eyes, why do I have to remember? Why can't I just forget? Why is it that so many people can get over the ones they lose yet I have to cling on to my mothers memory. I hastily tuck the locket back behind my collar and wipe my eyes ruffly. I have to get a grip! I can't let this day control my life. What is wrong with me? I restart the car and set off towards the scene.

* * *

*At the scene*

Gibbs' P.O.V.

Where the hell is Dinozzo? He had better shape himself and get here now! Maybe he's still crying. Yes I know he was crying when I rang him, I can always tell with Dinozzo. He doesn't get close to anyone pretending that he's a player when really he is just scared that the person is going to throw him away or break his heart. If only he knew that he wasn't alone. If he only knew how deeply I care for him. Yes I know I know, me and Dinozzo never gonna work! Rule 12, never date a co-worker. But I can still look out for him. I can still protect him and that is what I am going to do. Anyone hurts him I'll kill them.

I love him.

God I never thought I would feel those words again, well not since Shanon died. But Tony changed all that. When I met him in Baltimore I thought 'oh well you're never going to see him again, might as well forget it.' But when he first came to NCIS, I couldn't believe my luck. I had him. I had the one thing I had been craving since Shanon. Someone to love. I know that there is no way he will ever love me back, but I won't give up on him. He will always come first in my world. I just hope he gets here soon, I hope he's OK.

Tony's P.O.V.

Right now I just have to find a parking space. 08:03am. Gibbs is going to murder me. I finally find a parking spot and climb out of the car slamming the door shut. I look up to see McGee at the entrance.

"You are a dead man walking Tony"

"Yeah I know, I was stuck in traffic"

McGee gave me a puzzled expression as I squeezed past him to get inside where the ex-marine was waiting, with arms crossed flat over his broad chest. He did not look happy, I better get ready for a head slap.

"Dinozzo!"

His shout makes me stop dead in my tracks then rush towards him when I saw the look on his face. I swear that stare could burn holes through a persons skull.

"Yes Boss"

"Hurry it up we got to go in now, they can't wait much longer"

I pick up the evidence kit next to Gibbs and follow at his heel. We stop outside a metal detector. Where Ziva, McGee and Gibbs all go through after taking off their watches, badges and guns. I step through and the siren goes ballistic. I get told to go back. They do a search of me and tell me to go through and once again the siren goes off.

"Do you have any other metal objects on you?"

"No I gave you them all"

He stops and looks at my neck.

"What about that chain? That'll be what is setting the machine off"

I feel my heart starting to beat in my throat. I can't take my mother's locket off. I can't lose her again. What if something happens to it whilst it's gone? What if someone steals it when I'm not looking? I am pulled out of my thoughts by the guards voice.

"You'll have to take it off Sir"

I take a step back clutching to the locket as the guard advances on me.

"NO! I can't!"

"Oh and why not?"

"B-because...I just can't...Please don't make me, I need to keep it on."

Right at that moment Gibbs steps in and tells them that I need it on.

"Let him keep it on"

The guard looks at Gibbs and then nods to his coworker, who then gives me back my stuff all the while giving me the dirtiest look I have ever seen. Gibbs heads off down a corridor and me, McGee and Ziva follow. I can hear McGee and Ziva in deep conversation. Ziva is the first one to speak to me.

"Tony, what was that chain?"

I ignored the Israeli and carried on down the hall, keeping my eyes on the floor at all times. We turn a corner to find Ducky and Palmer already checking over the dead officer. Gibbs handed me the camera as I passed the evidence bags to McGee. I started taking pictures when Ducky started to explain to Gibbs what had happened to the poor man.

"There are abrasions to his face and knuckles, which suggests a struggle with the attacker. He has a single stab wound to the chest, which is the most likely cause of death. The liver temperature shows that he died between 8-9 pm last night. I will know more once I get him back"

Gibbs starts to bark orders as Ziva reports.

"He was obviously snuck up on from behind"

They turned to look at me obviously wanting me to make a movie reference but I just couldn't think of any at all. Gibbs stands there writing notes and nodding at Ducky's every word. I look over the scene and my stomach does that familiar twist it always did when I saw a murdered person. All I can think is how someone has lost them. How a partner could have lost their lover. How a child could lose their parent, like...like me. I have to stop thinking like this. I see Gibbs and the others walking their way back to the entrance. I put the camera back into its case and followed them outside. McGee and Ziva waltzed over to me, McGee speaking first.

"So Tony we were wondering if you were okay I mean you did miss that joke set up"

"Yes what was it uh...weirdo, that's the one"

McGee turned to face Ziva and then corrected her by saying.

"Actually it's psycho Ziva"

"Are they not the same thing?"

"No"

Ziva turned around about to answer McGee when he spotted his mistake.

"you know what never mind"

Ziva then turned her attention onto me as she started to quiz me again.

"Tony are you feeling okay?"

At this I spun to face them flashing my trademark smile and assuring them that I was fine. They didn't look convinced but as they walked away I could feel my eyes starting to water. 'Ugh get a grip Dinozzo they can't know' I climbed into my car, starting the engine and thinking that this was going to be a very long day.

**Author note:**

**In later chapters Tony will get a surprise visitor and his other secret will be revealed.  
**

**Leave me any comments on how you think this is going as it is my first ever story. Thanks :D  
**


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Tony's P.O.V.

I pull into the navy base car park and climb out of my car slamming the door. I shove my keys back into my pocket and start walking up to the entrance. Great McGee and Ziva are waiting for me...this is gonna be awkward.

"Tony! How come you did not ride back with us"

God that girl needs a volume control button, or a mute button either would do. I decided to play my usual clown facade.

"That's because you were driving Ziva, and I would like to keep my breakfast down this time."

Her and Mcgoo start to giggle and the boy scout decides to speak up first.

"Oh yeah I forgot how ill her driving made you...hahaha, Oh Tony I can still remember your face going green...and then hahaha..."

"Oh yes what is it that you say...a banana a day keeps the doctor away...you obviously did not have your banana that day did you Tony...hahaha"

For god sake! Why can't they just forget about that, am I ever gonna live it down? But in my defense I did warn Ziva to slow down, I don't have the best stomach for speed. I shove past my two giggling co-workers and head to reception. I show my I.D card and push past the people who try to stop me to say hello. Finally the elevator! I step inside and press the button to stop the elevator once the doors close. 'I can't keep this up' I fall to the floor wrapping my arms around my knees as I pull my legs up towards my chest. The tears force their way out of my eyes, my hand clasps over my mouth as I try to muffle my sobs. It's no use my sobs just get louder as I clasp onto the locket for dear life. Then it strikes me the last words my mother said 'il mio piccolo Angelo' Harshly wiping away my tears I stand up and press the button to restart the elevator. 'c'mon Tony you can do this...you just need something to take your mind off of it'

The elevator doors ping open as I step out into the bull pen. McGee and Ziva are already sat at their desks but I can't see Gibbs anywhere... not that strange I mean that man is always disappearing to do some kind of 'urgent business'. I hang my head as if trying to be invisible, I know it won't work but still I can try. OW! Got to watch out for desks.

"Tony are you OK?"

"Yes McGeek just need to be more aware of my surroundings that's all"

I throw myself down into my chair and grab the closest case file burying my nose into its contents. McGee and Ziva have gone eerily quiet, poking my head out from behind the file to see them mouthing something to each other but once they caught my glare their heads snapped back into their own case files.

"what are you two being so hush hush about?"

McGee waltzes over to my desk with a look of concern painting his face soon enough Ziva is by his side giving a look as though she was trying to read my mind or something.

"Well Tony we are slightly worried, I mean what's up with you?"

McGee is staring at me as I turn to my computer and start to search for details that link to the case. I mean come on I may be about break down at any moment but I am Anthony Dinozzo Junior I can't let this stop me. And anyway Gibbs would kill me if I got behind on my work. Oh no I haven't said anything that is definitely not helping my case, better think of something quick,um...aha! I know exactly what to say.

"My apartment was flooded by the upstairs tenants yeah they, uh, left the bath running, yeah and then it got too much for the floorboards to take"

I look at them hoping that they buy my lie McGee nods and turns around saying something about that happening to his friend or something like that. However Ziva gives me a questioning look but still turns around and sits behind her desk keeping one of her hawk eyes on me at all times. I swear these two need real hobbies this is getting kind of annoying. Wait was that the elevator? Looking in the direction of the elevator I see Gibbs stepping out with Fornell, they walk over to us and Gibbs demands a case update so I decide to speak first.

"Well I checked the security footage and he was sneaked up on but the image wasn't clear enough to get an I.D"

Gibbs shoots a disapproving look in my direction as McGee steps forwards.

"Actually I scanned the image from outside in the car park and got the number plate of the get away vehicle. It belongs to Rick Jones and he reported it stolen 2 days ago."

Fornell congratulates McGee on his 'great detective skills' and then turns to me.

"Seems like you need to take a few notes from McGee, Dinotzo. He knows what he's doing which is more than can be said for you."

I turn back round after seeing Gibbs smirk as McGee and Ziva try to hide their amusement. Sitting back down I make sure to listen in on them having a conversation about some funny time when they all went for a drink and they got drunk (I of course wasn't invited, I never really am). There goes the elevator again. That pinging noise is seriously starting to get on my nerves.

"Special agent Dinozzo someone is here to see you."

That's got to be Carl from reception he is always bringing people up to meet us, it's probably one of the suspects.

"Thanks Carl I got this, hi I'm very special agent Anthony Dinozzo what can I do for yo-...W-WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING HERE?!"

_**A/N:**_

_**Next time you will find out the mysterious visitor and why he doesn't want to see them. Please leave me some reviews and suggestions for anything you would like to see happen later on in this story. Thankyou :D**_


	5. Chapter 5

_**I am so sorry it has taken me this long to upload I had to re start it because my computer killed itself and I have been absoloutley swamped with exams...thank you very much teachers :(So as we know Tony is seriously depressed about his mother and has now got a surprise visitor that he is not too happy about. So lets get on with it.**_

_**Chapter 5**_

I look up at the disembodied voice "ANSWER ME!" I begin to shake with a mixture of anger and fear as the person looks at me in shock. Gibbs steps forward and places a hand on my shoulder which I shrug off straight away. "DON'T TOUCH ME!" I step closer to the intruder "WHY ARE YOU HERE?" Tears start to form in my eyes as the person reaches out a hand of comfort as I smack their hand away I ask again. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE DAD?"

My dad looks into my eyes and flashes me a smile "Come on Junior don't go making a scene over nothing, all this because I didn't answer a couple calls. Don't be such a child."

I can feel the back of my eyes sting with tears as I look at my father. Has he really forgotten? How could he do that? Does he even know? I hang my head and stare at the floor because I can't bring myself to look at him. "Did you really forget? Huh Dad? Well are you gonna answer me or what?" Most of the people in the office have turned around or dropped what they were doing to see what all the commotion was about.

My dad stepped towards me and grabbed my chin forcing me to look him in the eyes. "Now what exactly are you accusing me of 'forgetting'?" I wrenched my head away from my dads grasp and balled my hands into fists by my sides. I could feel the blood boil within me, how dare he ask that, how could he forget? I could hear Gibbs start to talk to my dad.

"You shouldn't be here Senior, You should have let Tony know."

"I didn't think I would need an appointment to see my own son." He answered Gibbs in his usual cocky accent and I knew how much that ticked Gibbs off. I looked at Gibbs and saw him advance in on my father until he was only a few inches away. He gave my dad his famous Gibbs glare and said through gritted teeth.

"Maybe you didn't understand what I was saying. I am not asking you to leave I am telling you! Now you can either get out or I will gladly throw you out on your ass! Because I don't want you popping in when you feel like it and upsetting my senior field agent! You got that?" At the end of this Senior sent a pleading look my way but I just turned my back on the traitor.

"Fine I'll go, I don't need to be told twice." I felt a hand on my shoulder and turned my head to see Senior standing next to me. I push his hand away and run from the bull pen _**'They can't see me cry no matter what they can't see me cry'** _I stop once I get around the corner, I can still hear them talking so I decide to listen in.

"Senior go now before I take you out myself." That's Gibbs' voice.

"Ok, ok I'm going. Tell Junior to call me." Yeah like I am really going to call that bastard!

The elevator doors ping open and shut and I know that my dad has left. Gibbs sighs and I know that he is going to try and find me, but where should I go? I know Abby.

* * *

I stand outside Abby's lab and wonder if I should tell her or if I should just go. _**No come on Tony you need someone's help and you know Abby is the only one you can** **trust.**_ Ok here goes nothing. I take a deep breath before entering the lab. Abby is stood in front of her microscope examining something to do with the latest case. She looks a little tired but she then takes a sip of caf-pow and is now stood bolt upright and alert.

"Hey Abs have you got a-" Abby spun around staring daggers at me and started to shout at me as I backed away.

"NO I DON'T HAVE A SECOND TONY OR A MOMENT I AM ABSOLUTELY SWAMPED WITH THIS BLOODY CASE AND I-"

She stopped shouting and walked slowly up to me all the while examining and scrutinizing everything about me. She stopped looking when she caught sight of my eyes. She pulled me into her arms for an Abby hug.

"Oh Tony I'm so sorry. What happened?"

I backed up from her with my hands up as guards.

"W-what are you talking about Abs I don't know what you mean"

Abby's eyes narrowed as she advanced on me and backed me up into the lab table. She stopped once she was just a few inches away from me. Abby pointed her painted finger in my face and gave me a disaproving look.

"Tony don't you dare try and lie to me I know you and I know when something is wrong with you. So spill and don't forget..."

I interupt her by finishing off her well known 'threat'.

"You can kill me without leaving any forenseic evidence. Yeah Abby I know"

Staring at the floor I feel Abby place a comforting hand on my shoulder as a sign that I can tell her anything. Taking a deep breath I look up at Abby and open my mouth to speak.

"Have you noticed the way I've been acting...like I haven't been making my usual jokes and sarcastic remarks."

Abby nods her head and wills me to carry on. Another deep breath and I carry on with my explanation.

"Well today is...it's...m-my" I bow my head and stare at the flooor so Abby won't see the tears starting to flood my eyes "the anniversary of my mothers death" I turn to leave, trying to get away before my emotions get the better of me. But Abby grabs my wrist and prevents me from moving any further. She spins me round and pulls me into a tight hug. I do my best to hold back the taers but it's no use. I let go and the tears flood down my cheeks as Abby runs a reassuring hand across my back. We just stand there, Abby holding me, and me standing there a sobbing wreck.

"Hey shush Tony... why didn't you tell me earlier" Abby whispers into my ear as I try to get my breathing under control. She pats my back and looks me in the eye.

"There's more I know there is...Tony please tell me" I do my best to wipe away the tears as I start to breath normally again.

"I...You see the thing is...I'm in love with..."

_**Ha Ha thats all you're getting...I will upload soon but plese review if you want me to finish the story coz I want to make sure I'm not boring you guys :D BYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!**_


	6. Chapter 6

_**HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII sorry last time was a cliff hanger I didn't want to give away any spoilers for this chapter thank you to everyone who reviewed chapter 5 and all my other stories, I really appreciate it and will try to reply to all the reviews...On with the story me thinks!**_

* * *

_***Bullpen***_

Gibbs' P.O.V.

I direct Senior to the elevator once he has finally stopped wittering on about how Tony is over reacting and being dramatic. Ziva is sat on McGee's desk and they're gossiping about what has just happened. I swear if those two don't get to work soon I am going to...

"HEY! McGee, Ziva get back to work! You need to go see the naval officers supervisor and find out if anyone had a grudge against him."

Ziva runs past me to her desk and McGee fumbles for his gear.

"Uh boss"

I let out a groan of frustration I don't need McGee's nonsense right now.

"I said go McGee!"

And with that the pair dash from the bullpen and sprint for the elevator. They're so easy to scare sometimes...Maybe I should go easier on them...Or maybe they should get off their lazy asses and do some work before I have to ask them. I need to sit down, so I sit behind my desk and realize I don't have the toxicology report from Abby. Another groan. Great more childish banter, don't get me wrong I love Abby she's like a daughter and just like a daughter she can be a bit...full on sometimes. I make my way to the elevator with my coffee in my hand, maybe I'll bump into Tony. I need to find out what's wrong with him.

* * *

**_*Abby's lab*_**

Tony's P.O.V.

Was I making the right choice by telling Abby who I loved? Would she hate me? I looked into Abby's eyes and saw that familiar look of reassurance, so maybe this will all be ok. Well there's only one way for me to find out.

"Abby I'm in love with...I l-love Gibbs"

That one sentence hung over our heads leaving us in an awkward silence. I stood there trying to look anywhere apart from at Abby, and she just stood stock still. After what felt like hours Abby snapped out of her daze and pulled me into a bone crushing hug.

"Oh Tony why didn't you tell me? You guys would be so cute together."

I thought about that comment as I hugged Abby back, would we be cute together? Would Gibbs ever feel the same way? Wait Abby is still here she didn't run away or throw me out. Does that mean she's okay with this?

"Abby does this mean you don't hate me?"

Abby raises her head to look me straight in the eye as her grip on me tightens.

"Tony I could and never will hate you no matter what, I promise."

I smile as I hug Abby back. I soon realize that Abby's grip is getting increasingly tighter until I am finding it extremely difficult to breathe.

"A-Abby I need...oxygen"

Abby uncoils her arms from around me, when she looks at me she has a wide toothy grin plastered to her face. I can't help but smile back for the first time in years on this day I have never genuinely smiled but some how Abby makes it possible. It must have something to do with her adorable goth attitude. I hold both her hands in mine and look her dead in the eye with a serious look on my face.

"Listen to me Abby you can't tell anyone about this, especially not Gibbs, Okay?"

Abby squeals, zips up her mouth and then proceeds to throw away the key.

"I swear Tony that I will not tell a living soul about what you just told me...Aww you and Gibbs that is so cute and so adorable."

I sigh and give her an exasperated look. I know she won't tell anyone because she promised me and she never breaks her promises to me. But she can be really giddy at times and when she's giddy she lets things slip a lot easier. She stares at me again this time copying my earlier serious expression.

"So how long have you loved our silver fox?"

Laughing at the nickname I think back to when these feelings first arose.

"Probably about the same time I got the plague, I saw how much he really cared about me and how worried he was to lose me."

Abby makes a swooning action towards me and we both start giggling. We stop mid giggle when we hear something outside the lab.

"What was that?"

Abby says giving me a startled look. I put my hand to the gun at my waist as me and Abby walk towards the lab door. Once we get there we both poke our heads out to see...

"Some one dropped their coffee"

I pick up the cup and put it in Abby's bin as she grabs some paper towels to clean up the mess on the floor.

* * *

_***In the elevator*  
**_

Gibbs' P.O.V.

I hit the button for Abby's lab. She better have the tox screen ready or this will be a wasted trip and I have had enough of wild goose chases to last me the rest of the year. The elevator doors ping open, as I step out I can hear that Abby has a visitor. I drop back outside of the door far back enough so that they can't see me but close enough so that I can hear what they are saying.

"I...I'm in love with..."

Wait I recognize that voice, its Tony. He's in love? Maybe that's why he's been so tense lately I'm guessing its Ziva those two seem to have some weird sexual relationship going on. Tobias swears that Tony looks at me with admiration and love but I told him that he was hallucinating. Could he? No Tony is as straight as a ruler. Anyway if he was gay I would most certainly be his last choice. The grip on my coffee cup tightens as I imagine someone else with their hands all over Tony. I should be the one holding him no one else! Wait I should be listening to what he's saying not letting my mind drift onto pointless fantasies.

"Abby I'm in love with...I l-love Gibbs."

I knew it Ziva...WAIT...WHAT? He loves me? Tony loves me! No one else but me? H-how is this possible? All this time he has loved me just as much as I love him. I never thought I would say this but Tobias was right! Everything I saw in Tony's eyes, all the mixed signals when I had a date. It wasn't because he was being nosy it was because he was jealous. I zoned back in to hear their chatter had stopped, I look down at the ground and realize that I had dropped my coffee whilst caught in my chain of thoughts. They will be coming to see what that noise was...I have to get out of here before they come out. Tony can't know I've found out. I make a dash for the elevator just managing to slip inside before they step out of the lab. I stop the elevator and lean back against the wall clutching a hand to my heart. Tony loves me back!

_**That is all this time please leave me reviews I promise to reply back, I really need your guys feedback. Tell me what you think and I will try to update as quickly as possible. See this time it only took me 2 days to upload and I wrote this in 3 hours. See what I do for you guys :D love ya x BYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE**_


	7. Chapter 7

_**HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII I GUYS! A big thanks to Midnight-Kitsune11 for helping me develop my ideas and giving me great feedback, you rock! So last time Gibbs overheard Tony tell Abby that he loved him and Tony has no idea what so ever, this could go one of two ways...but I chose this way so on with the story me thinks!**_

**_*In the elevator*_**

Gibbs' P.O.V

Oh god. What do I do? I can't let Tony know I've found out or can I? Ugh! I growl in frustration as I slam a fist against the elevator wall. How the hell is this going to work? If I tell Tony how I feel and we do end up in a relationship how will everyone else act, will they hate us? I can't deal with this right now. If I choose not to tell him he might move on meaning that I might never get this chance again. But if I do tell him and he rejects me then I'll look like a pathetic fool.

Why does love have to be so hard? Why can't I tell him that I love him and have him say it back to me? Another punch to the wall and I flick the emergency switch restarting the elevator. I can't let my feelings distract me from the case, anyway I probably misheard him. Yeah that's it I misheard him. Tony didn't say he loved me it was just my hearing going. Now it all makes sense again...Who am I kidding? I know what I heard. I need someones help. Ducky! He'll be able to help me...I hope.

* * *

_***In the bullpen with Tony and Abby* **_

Tony's P.O.V

My heart won't go back into a normal pace. Since I told Abby that I loved Gibbs my heart has been trying to escape my chest by beating at million miles per hour. I swear I was so close to turning round and running until my legs gave in on themselves. But I knew I could trust Abby so that's probably the only reason I stayed to tell her. If it was anyone else like Ziva or McGee I'd be gone in a flash but Abby's like the sister I never had. She came up with me to the bullpen to keep my mind off my mother by any means necessary, which apparently includes babbling on about why the bullpens lights are so bright. I can't help but smile at her from behind my desk, she really cares about me. I wonder if Gibbs would ever babble on just to see me smile. I shake my head to get rid of the thought. Gibbs would never do anything like that for me, especially not me. I clear my head of all thoughts of Gibbs and just manage to catch the end of Abby's sentence.

"...Maybe some skulls in the corner and a black canopy over each desk now that would be cool!"

I can't help but chuckle at the thought of the bullpen being Abby-fied.

"Somehow Abs I don't think they would allow skulls and death symbols in the bullpen, might be a nice change from the dull red. You could always try Halloween."

Abby's eyes lit up as she hopped off my desk and started jumping up and down on the spot clapping her hands.

"Oh my god that would be so amazing, I have to get a plan sorted right now!"

And with that the ever so excitable goth spun round and sprinted towards the elevator nearly knocking McGee and Ziva onto their asses. Ziva straightens out her jacket as McGee's eyes follow Abby to the elevator. I looked up at the them and saw them waiting for an explanation to her new splash of energy. I sigh rolling my eyes at the them.

"She was thinking of how to redecorate the bullpen again, I told her that she should try at Halloween so she's gone off to make a plan of what the office will look like."

McGee stares at me before nodding and heading straight for his desk. Where as Ziva decides to be awkward and places the file I need on her desk and then leaving the bullpen.

"Great every time I need something she runs off with it!"

I get up from behind my desk and make my way over to Ziva's desk. Just as I'm about to pick up the file McGee rams into my side (obviously not watching where he's going, again) pouring a hot coffee he was carrying all over the sleeves and torso of my blazer jacket. I growl as McGee tries to wipe the coffee off muttering words of apology.

"Honestly McGoo you need to pay more attention to your surroundings, I'm sick of you constantly walking into me."

"I-I'm sorry Tony I was in a rush and I..."

I put my hand up to stop him there before he gives me an hour long explanation as to why he spilled his coffee on me.

"Look McGee its ok, I'm gonna go to the bathroom and try to wash this out."

With those words spoken I turn and head down the stairs to the bathroom. This had better come out or McGeek will be paying for a new blazer, I mean come on it is designer and he's always doing this.

* * *

_***In autopsy* **_

Gibbs' P.O.V.The elevator doors ping open in front of me and I step out. I'm about to enter autopsy when I start to wonder if this is the right thing to do. Should I go in and tell Ducky everything or keep quiet and say nothing at all? No I will go in otherwise this is going to keep gnawing away at me and I won't be able to focus on the case or anything else for that matter. I guess it's now or never I need Duckys help with this one. Walking into autopsy I'm met with the familiar site of Ducky and Palmer hunched over the usual dead body. Ducky was rambling on with one of his historical lectures whilst Palmer was listening with true intrest. As I clear my throat Palmer spins round, nearly knocking his glasses off, and Ducky lifts his head to smile at me.

"Ah Jethro, come to see what we've found from our navy officer"

"Actually I need to talk to you about something else...Just you"

Ducky and me both look towards Palmer and he soon gets the hint. He cleans himself up and heads for the doors.

"I'll go get the toxicology report from Abby"

And with that Palmer disappears through the doors and into the elevator.

"So Jethro what is the nature of your visit?"

Ducky walks over to his desk and puts out a second chair before sitting down in his. When he turned to look at me I started to regret the decision to ask him for advice. Suck it up Jethro its only Ducky after all. I sit on the chair in front of Ducky and lean forwards with my elbows resting on my knees. A deep breath then I look up into Ducky's eyes.

"It's about Tony"

Ducky's eyes fill with genuine concern for what I might say next about him.

"What ever it is Jethro you need to know you can tell me and Anthony can come to talk to me at anytime. As I always say..."

I cut Ducky off before he gets off topic and I chicken out of telling him.

"No Duck its about...his love life"

By this point the man sitting in front of me seems to be a tad confused at what I'm saying.

"But Tony doesn't have a girlfriend."

"I know Duck what I'm trying to say is..."

"Oh you want him to have a girlfriend. I honestly think its fine that Anthony wants to be single, I mean many of us are..."

Rolling my eyes at Ducky's rambling I lean back and rub my temple. I decide I should stop Ducky from rambling any further before he gets seriously distracted.

"Ducky! The reason I came down here was to tell you what I over heard Tony say...I heard him tell Abby who he loved."

"Oh my that is news! No wonder you wanted Jimmy gone, so who is it? Is it Ziva? If I'm honest I do see the attraction there."

"No Duck it isn't Ziva...Its...Well you see its me...and I sort of love Tony as well."

* * *

**_*In the Bathroom*_**

Slamming the toilets door open I check the stalls to make sure I'm alone then proceeded to lock the door behind me. I walk over to the sinks and look at myself in the mirror. My brand new white shirt has got the coffee brown stain down the front of it and my favorite jacket has been soaked in the strong smelling liquid.

"I swear I am going to kill Mcgee if this doesn't come out."

I remove my jacket and place it beside the sinks. Grabbing a paper towel I wet it and start to dab at my shirt and stop when I catch a glimpse of my arm. I grimace as I try to look away but it is still visible in the mirror. My eyes linger on my pale reflection, and my gaze wanders down to the criss-cross cuts on my left arm. These cuts are fresh they cover old scars...old memories. Memories I have tried so hard to forget. If the team knew. What would they say? What would they do? Would they cast me aside or help me through? I cover the cuts with my hand but quickly pull my hand away and wince at the pain which shoots up my arm. Ow! I shouldn't have pressed so hard, I forgot how much these things sting. Turning on the tap I decide to run my arm under the cool clear water hoping that it will apply some kind of relief. As soon as I place my arm under the tap pain shoots through my skin, which is soon replaced by a dull numbness. Ah this is so much better, I definetly shoul-

**BANG BANG!**

_**Authors note**_

_**Ok so thats all for now guys! I hoped you liked it and I will upload the next chapter soon. In the next chapter you will see what the banging noise was and there will be more self harm explanation on Tony's part. Please leave me reviews I need to know what you guys think or i can't carry on! Ok so byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeeee :D**_


	8. Chapter 8

**_HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII Guys! So last time we found out that Gibbs loves Tony back but he doesn't know what to do (kiss him!) and that Tony self harms (bad Tony). Tony was in the bathroom looking at recent cuts when someone started banging on the door (OMG!) Who could it be? Well there's only one way to find out. So on with the story me thinks :D_**

**_*Bathroom*_**

**_Tony's_****P.O.V.**

My heart jumps into my throat as the banging on the door startles me into action. I grab my still coffee soaked blazer, put it back on, straightening myself up and then proceeding to unlock the bathroom door. I wrench the door open and stare at the person standing in the doorway. My stomach flips as I stare into their eyes.

"H-hi boss." I finally manage to stammer out.

"Dinozzo, what happened to your shirt you're soaked."

Gibbs steps into the bathroom and shuts the door behind him. I back up into the sinks, I can't be this close to him especially not alone, What if he takes my blazer off? He'll see the cuts!

"Boss it's OK McGee just spilt some coffee on me, you know how clumsy he is."

Gibbs just grunts at me as though that's an answer. He walks over to me with a paper towel and I have to use all my strength not to react to him when his hand grazes my lower abdomen. I take a deep breath and look up at Gibbs.

"What are you doing here boss?"

He gave me a questioning look before turning and putting the used paper towel in the bin.

"Just came from seeing Ducky when I noticed the bathroom door was locked."

He turned and started staring daggers at me.

"You should know that locking the door is not a good idea, anything could happen in here and no one would be able to run in and help you."

I stare back at him, I know what he means, there could be an assassin hidden in here. Far fetched I know but it has happened before. I keep my eyes on him as he walks closer to me.

"Your being a tad hypocritical don't you think boss? I mean you shouldn't keep shutting down the elevator but you do."

Gibbs lets out a chuckle which puts me a little on edge because Gibbs never laughs, unless he's trying to disarm a suspect. So I do get a little worried when he laughs and was that...no it couldn't be not emotionless Gibbs...it was a smile. Gone in a flash but definitely a smile.

"Yeah I know but...TONY WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?"

I look down at where Gibbs has my wrist in a vice like grip. My jacket lays discarded by my feet, I didn't notice Gibbs take my blazer off. It's too late now Gibbs has seen the cuts. I try to yank my arm away from his grip as my heart starts beating faster and faster, but he keeps me there. The tears well up in my eyes and close them tightly, to stop them from escaping.

"Tony, what have you done?"

His voice is softer than before so I decide to chance it and look up into his eyes. Those blue orbs seem to be filled with something I just can't put my finger on. I guess I'm going to have to tell him, he'll understand. Won't he?

_**Gibbs'**_ P.O.V.

I look at Tony as he babbles on about me being a hypocrite. His jacket is soaked, he should take it off or it's going to get really uncomfortable. I slide his jacket off his shoulders and I have to restrain myself from doing anything further than that. As the jacket falls to the ground I look at him to answer his earlier question.

"Yeah I know but..."

My eyes wander down to his left arm, it's covered in cuts and scars...did Tony do this to himself. Why the fuck would he do something so stupid!

"TONY WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?"

My grip on his wrist tightens as his eyes widen when he realizes what I'm talking about. He tries to pull his arm away but I won't let him move, no way is he going anywhere now! Not without an explanation. I stare down at him and see the tears begin to form in his eyes. I sigh as I realize I need to take a gentler approach to this.

"Tony, what have you done?"

He slowly looks up into my eyes and I stare down at him with concern and...and...I'm just going to admit it...love. I love him, how could he hurt himself like this? I swear if anyone has done something that led to him doing this I am going to kill them! I stop my train of thought when Tony opens his mouth to speak.

"I-I did it because I wanted to...f-forget"

The last word came out as a whisper and Tony looked away from me as the tears he tried so hard to hide from me started rolling down his cheeks. Looking down at Tony and seeing how hurt he was I just wanted to hold him in my arms, shush him and tell him everything was going to be okay. I wanted to hold him and never let go, stopping anyone from ever hurting him again. I think that's why I reached out, wrapped my arms around him and pulled him into my chest.

_**Tony's**_** P.O.V.**

I looked away from Gibbs, finally letting the tears run down my face. God he must think I'm pathetic, crying is something Gibbs sees as a weakness. A part of me just wants to let it all go, to cry and fall into his arms letting him know my every secret. But the other part of me just wants to run from the bathroom and then just keep on running until I have left every problem behind me, where it can't reach me. The tears start flowing faster and I start sobbing. I'm about to try to break free again, that is until I feel Gibbs wrap his arms protectively around me and pull me close into his chest. That's when I finally get my breathing under control, just listening to the sound of his beating heart. Gibbs puts his chin on the top of my head and I cling to his shirt afraid that if I let go, even for a second, he's going to slip away.

"Tony...what are you trying to forget?"

His tone of voice is soft and filled with genuine concern, making me feel strangely safe and secure. The way he's holding me makes me feel as though I can tell him anything so I do.

"I want t-to forget my...my mother's death...I want to get rid of every memory...to lose all the pain...to just be loved a-again."

I can't keep it up anymore, I feel my knees buckle and I fall in a sobbing heap to the floor. The pain and the memories have just become too much for me to handle.

"Today's the anniversary of her d-death...All I can think about is what s-she said to me before she...before she..."

The tears fall quicker and my breathing goes out of control making it harder for me to breathe. I start to panic, feeling like I'm on my own again, just like when mom died. A hand is placed on my shoulder making me look up to see Gibbs, my eyes are red and my cheeks are tear stained. He kneels down in front of me pulling me into his embrace once again. My arms find their way around his neck and I sob into his shoulder, clutching to his jacket again as he shushes me and strokes my hair. Once he has my breathing back under control I pull back and stare into his eyes. He stares back opening his mouth to speak.

"Tony you don't need to forget the memories, you need someone to chase away the bad memories and replace them with good ones."

"But who would ever do that for me?"

Gibbs sighs and looks away deep in thought. When he looks back he has a serious expression on his face but his eyes are soft and warm. He leans closer to me so that our faces are a couple of inches away from one another before whispering.

"I would."

And with those two words Gibbs closes the distance between us, connecting our lips in a sweet and gentle kiss. His arms are around my waist and my arms are around his neck. I move so that I am sat on his lap and pull back to look him in the eye.

"I-I love you Gibbs"

He stares into my eyes and gives me a genuine Gibbs smile.

"I love you too Tony"

My stomach filled with butterflies when I heard Gibbs speak those words. It was true he really did love me and I wasn't imagining it either. I snuggled closer to him nuzzling his neck as he pulled me even closer. So there we were sat in the 4th floor bathroom in each others arms and neither of us could be happier.

_**That's the end of the story Guys I hoped you liked it, I loved writing it and I'm going to be doing a sequel so let me know if your interested.**_**_ Don't forget to review and let me know what you thought of the ending. BYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE :D  
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